What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
