1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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