maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
True strength comes from lack of pants
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
