Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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