I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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