Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
