I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
