My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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