Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She's not a foreskin expert like you
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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