Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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