I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
