Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
