Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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