Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I miss vodka workout Fridays
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
