She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
