how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
