Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
