You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
