I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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