I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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