i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
