Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
