It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
