He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I didn't notice because vodka
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
