So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
