He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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