All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
