i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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