I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
