All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
