Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
