Cold hands, warm shart.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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