Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
