Swine flu. Run for my life!
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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