Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
