Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
