I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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