am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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