Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
