I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
