So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
