you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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