oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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