I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I believe in your delicious
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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