I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
