Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
