Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
