I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Randomize
