You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
