I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
