i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
