i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My pussy is not your playground.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
