I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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