I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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