The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
