you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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