We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
