My underwear smells like fireworks.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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