you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize