if you like me you must not know who I am
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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