I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
