you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
