I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
