I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
