she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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