i can't believe i had my finger in that
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
