I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
