Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
