just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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