I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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