We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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