rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
