why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
