The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
