And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
