I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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