Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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