there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You dont lie about slip and slides
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
