Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Porn is love you can see.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
