My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
We're too hungover to prance.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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