I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
