It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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