My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
