3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
