Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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