you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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