There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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