Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
