it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
