I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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