dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
