I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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