Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
