your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
