her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
