ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
