How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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