The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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