The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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