Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize