Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
