Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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