I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
