It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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