I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
