so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
