i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
