okay pat passed out under dana's car
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
